Standalone Essays · Character and Virtue

The School of Hard Knocks

There is a widening chasm between what we teach and what we do. In the medical field, research suggests that student nurses often struggle to bridge the gap between the “theory” of the nursing school and the “practice” of the hospital ward. They find it difficult to synthesize textbook definitions with the chaotic reality of a patient in crisis.

This theory-practice gap isn’t unique to nursing. It besets social work, education, psychology, and law enforcement. One way to close this gap is to change the environment: have nursing instructors abandon the lecture hall and move training to the wards on day one. To solve a similar problem in the humanities, students of ethics should perhaps begin their studies in homeless shelters, with street gangs, or in war zones.

The very word “ethics” has become synonymous with “ivory tower” thinking. We imagine scholars surrounded by books and pipe smoke, orating on esoteric concepts that have as much to do with the hard-scrabble world as astronomic cosmology has to do with making a peanut butter sandwich. In our materially-minded society, “ethics” has come to mean irrelevant theory, much like “rhetoric” has come to mean empty speech. Their arguments are often dismissed as mere casuistry, moral hair-splitting that fails to connect with practical survival.

In the academic field of ethics, I am a nobody. I hold no advanced degrees and I do not walk the hallowed halls of academia. I am a carpenter. My hands are calloused and rough. I rise in the dark to read, study, and write before I spend my day framing houses and repairing the homes of others. My attention is constantly split between the physical strain of labor and the inner, more pressing lines of thought.

But I am also uniquely qualified to discuss how one should live.

I grew up in Chad and the Central African Republic, living under tyrants ruling over failed states. In those places, there was often no law, or rather, the law was whoever held the biggest gun. I have known abject poverty, famine, imprisonment, and the cold weight of a death threat. I have watched my father be led away to an execution he narrowly escaped; later, I found myself in the back of a lorry, headed for my own. We escaped with nothing but the clothes on our backs.

I have worked alongside gangs, mixed martial artists, Marines, and loggers. Trust me when I say: the ethics I propose are anything but ivory tower musings. They are the tools I have used to move forward in a brutal world where most people seek only their own gain, and where violence is a routine event.

I don’t want to leave my children and grandchildren with a map they can’t read or a truth they can’t weaponize. In a world where violence is routine, ethics shouldn’t be a luxury for the hallowed halls of academia; it should be a tool kit for survival. I want to leave them with instruction that leads immediately to mission. Not just words, but works.

The ten challenges of being a good person

Being good is tough. It can be difficult to even know what “good” means in a world of complex and conflicting situations. How do you know when “discretion is the better part of valor” versus when it’s just plain cowardice?

I am working toward becoming a good person. I want to experience not only a reputation for righteousness, but the joy of personal and practical goodness as well. In my attempts, I have often stumbled. Sometimes it was a personal failure, where I struggled and lost to my dark side. Just as often, I simply did not know what “the right thing” was. Here are ten things I have found to be particularly difficult on my path toward being a good person, not in a strict order of difficulty, as each presents its own unique challenge.

1. Standing up against wrongdoing

I’m not by nature a physically confrontational person, but after two wars and over thirty years in Jiu-jitsu, I have learned to rise to the occasion when necessary. The greater challenge for me is the less dramatic act of standing up against subtle wrongdoing. It’s pushing myself to speak out when a behavior is unhealthy for the group, even if it’s beloved by an individual. I have to correct those who might not appreciate it, knowing that it will likely earn me a place on their blacklist.

2. Not coveting

I rarely, if ever, covet things. My struggle is with coveting knowledge, skills, and talents. It’s an envy of ambition, a feeling that someone else’s abilities are a substitute for my own lack. My dad always told me, “son, you can’t help but be ugly, but you can always borrow brains.” I’ve learned that as long as I can find ways to enlist the aid of those who have talents and skills that I lack, I can beat back my covetous spirit.

3. Exercising common sense

The problem with “common sense” is that it’s not common at all. It is defined as “normal native intelligence,” but what is normal in one place is completely foreign in another. Common sense is different in Africa than it is in Canada. A Southern construction worker identifies it differently than a Midwestern farmer. It involves unwritten rules that have developed over a long period of time and don’t need defining to locals. But for an outsider, that’s trouble. My solution has been to humbly apologize, determine the source of the problem, and then speak less while listening and watching more.

4. Following the ways of peace

My problem is not so much the desire to follow the ways of peace as it is the ability to perceive what they are. I would love to be a peacemaker, but I don’t always know the appropriate steps. When do I speak out? When do I let things go? At what point does “let sleeping dogs lie” cross the line into cowardice?

5. Being my brother’s keeper

As an independent person, I find it difficult to want to be my brother’s keeper. I don’t want all of your problems, and I can barely take all of your joys. It’s emotionally exhausting and physically draining, and frankly, I am a solitary person. However, I know the call and recognize the need, so I step up to it. It’s tough, but it’s what’s required.

6. Being positively good rather than negatively good

It is easy to fall into the trap of “negative goodness” — an approach that goes like “I don’t drink and I don’t chew.” But not doing evil is not as good as actually doing good. Negative goodness may keep you from doing harm, but it doesn’t enhance life. Simply not lying is negative goodness. But speaking a kind truth to build someone up is positive goodness. My solution to this is to make sure that I present negative truths in as positive a manner as possible, to ensure the person knows that I love them, and to make sure I am living what I’m saying.

7. Going by the intent of the law

Most of society’s rules require interpretation. We are taught to love our neighbor as ourselves, but what does that mean? It means not coveting their things. It means putting their good before my own. It means having the courage to speak the truth to them, even if they may not appreciate it, and speaking that truth in as gracious and well-presented a manner as possible. We know it’s wrong to lie, and yet the police often use deception to achieve justice. We know that the principle of life trumps the sacredness of private property, so to save a life we may break into a house. When we grasp the “why,” we better understand the spirit or intent of the law. Being able to do this is critical to applying the law in our modern, complicated world.

8. Doing what is right

“Doing right” is essential to being ethical. If I cannot do what is right on a consistent basis, then I need to test myself to determine if I am even on the path to the Ideal. The difficulty, for me at least, is often figuring out what is right. I don’t think perfectly. I am very far from the Ideal. I try to balance caution with boldness; speaking the truth with tact; exercise with rest; and masking with authenticity. I hope that by seeking moderation, or the middle way, I will be at least somewhat close to the right thing.

9. Determining and enabling justice

The problems just keep mounting. We first have the difficulty of determining what is just. Say a group of people boycotts shoes made in a third-world country because they are produced with child labor in sweatshops. The boycott is successful, and the factories close. Unfortunately, all the children who worked in those factories now have no income. Many die of hunger, or turn to prostitution to survive. The difficulty of determining the right thing to do is only surmounted by the difficulty of knowing what to do about it. Here, careful examination and systematic research are essential. Be open to new ideas and maintain a humble and discerning spirit.

10. Learning to be humble

At last, we come to what I personally find to be the greatest challenge. It’s not that I am more arrogant than the average person. It is that this struggle lies so closely with the principal struggle with the dark side that I often despair of accomplishing the task. Fortunately, life has a habit of throwing trials and tribulations my way to keep me humble and improve my character. The main thing I have to do is be patient in trial and gracious in my handicaps so I can get the full benefit.

I am grateful to know that many of you struggle with these same problems. I am not alone in this attempt to be good. Just don’t give up. The point is to have longer and longer periods of continuous goodness. May your goodness be sweet, and your true character as good as others think it is.