Standalone Essays · Triad of Stewardship

Commitment, Marriage, and Divorce: Loyalty Beyond Form

Once a Sojourner has given their word, they are bound by it. In a culture characterized by a dog-eat-dog, litigious mentality — lawyers proliferating, insurance companies finding loopholes — this can seem quaint, antiquated, even naive. Wouldn’t a person who still feels bound by their word, rather than by a contract, be at a disadvantage?

It’s true that the concept of being bound by one’s word may seem somewhat old-fashioned. Contracts, legal documents, and insurance policies have become the norm in many interactions, as people seek to protect themselves from potential risks and liabilities. Yet there are still benefits to having a strong sense of personal integrity and keeping your word. It builds trust and respect in your personal and professional relationships; people are more likely to trust and work with someone who is known for being reliable and honest. And while contracts may provide a sense of security, they can also be costly and time-consuming to create and enforce. In many cases, a simple handshake agreement or verbal promise can be just as effective, as long as both parties are acting in good faith.

It’s worth taking the risks that come with being an honorable person, simply to uphold and even strengthen your own character. People will take advantage of it. Some will abuse it. Yet what price is your own soul? To succumb to the dishonesty and to skulk behind the flimsy barricade of “small print” is to completely slide off the path to the Ideal.

There’s a certain nobility in upholding one’s values and principles, even in the face of adversity or exploitation. While it may not always be easy to maintain one’s integrity, doing so can provide a sense of inner peace and fulfillment that no amount of legal protection or financial gain can match. In a world where cynicism and mistrust are often the norm, there’s something deeply admirable about those who continue to value honesty, honor, and personal responsibility. The path to the Ideal may not always be the easiest or most straightforward, but it’s the one that leads to true fulfillment and purpose.

Loyalty beyond the form love takes

There is an interesting contrast between Sojournism’s laissez-faire attitude toward homosexuality or transgenderism and this old-school commitment to, well, commitment. It suggests that regardless of the form one’s love or attraction takes, the basics of honesty, commitment, and loyalty remain.

The essence of a successful relationship is not so much about the specific form it takes, but rather the underlying values and behaviors that support it. Regardless of whether a relationship is between two people of the same gender, different genders, or individuals who identify as transgender — or even whether the relationship is sexual in nature at all — what matters most is that both partners are committed to each other, honest in their communication, and loyal to their shared values and goals. In this way, Sojournism offers an inclusive and values-based approach to relationships, one that prioritizes the well-being and happiness of the individuals involved above all else.

This holds even in a culture where marriage is on the decline, where divorce rates are rampant, where more and more young people simply cohabit, and where marriage is not even legally possible for many people. The values underlying these principles — loyalty, communication, and mutual respect — are not necessarily tied to the institution of marriage itself. Couples who choose to cohabit or otherwise commit to each other outside of marriage can still prioritize these values and work to build strong, healthy relationships.

The very essence of Sojournism lies in its recognition of the impermanence of all things, and the importance of adaptability and open-mindedness. By acknowledging that even long-standing traditions like marriage may evolve or take on new forms over time, Sojournism allows for a more fluid and inclusive understanding of relationships. The key is to focus on the spirit of these values — the importance of building strong, supportive relationships — rather than getting too caught up in the specific forms they take.

When divorce is permitted

While divorce is possible for a Sojourner, every effort should be made to avoid it. Yet everything does not always depend on the Sojourner; both partners must do what they can to maintain the relationship. If your spouse sins against you — if they violate the trust and commitment of the relationship — you may divorce them without guilt and move on.

Here Sojournism moves away from the traditional view of honor it otherwise holds, making an allowance for divorce that is considered anathema by the more fundamental forms of religion. It does so because there are real dangers in an absolute commitment to marriage, admitting no allowance for divorce:

Trapping individuals in abusive or unhealthy relationships, which can have severe emotional, physical, and financial consequences.
Encouraging a culture of shame and stigma around divorce, which can make it harder for people to seek help or support when they need it.
Prioritizing the institution of marriage over the well-being and happiness of the individuals involved, which can lead to feelings of resentment, disappointment, and hopelessness.

By acknowledging that divorce may sometimes be the healthiest option for both partners, Sojournism promotes a more compassionate and nuanced approach to relationships — one that values the dignity and autonomy of the individuals involved.

The Stoic turn, and shaking the dust from your feet

It’s not always possible to control the actions of others, but one can still maintain a sense of dignity and personal agency by releasing oneself from a harmful situation. This is a very Stoic attitude. The Stoics believed that by focusing on what is within our control — our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors — we can achieve a sense of inner peace and equanimity, even in the face of difficult or unpredictable circumstances. In the context of relationships, this perspective is particularly helpful in recognizing when a situation is beyond our control, and when it may be necessary to prioritize our own well-being and agency over maintaining a harmful or unsustainable relationship.

An argument could be made that this is also a Christian view. The Christian Bible, in Luke 9:5, argues that if you have done your best and are rejected, you are to “shake the dust off your feet” and move on. In the Christian context, shaking the dust off one’s feet can be seen as a metaphor for releasing oneself from situations or relationships that are harmful or unreceptive to one’s efforts. This idea of detachment and non-attachment is also present in other traditions, such as Buddhism and Hinduism. While the specific language and context may vary, the underlying message of prioritizing one’s own well-being and letting go of uncontrollable circumstances is a universal theme that can be found in many different belief systems. Sojournism’s emphasis on personal dignity and agency in the face of uncontrollable external circumstances aligns well with this, and highlights the importance of self-preservation and resilience in navigating the complexities of human relationships.

Part of the Triad of Stewardship’s Standalone Essays. Companion pieces: Forgiveness and Its Limits (forthcoming) · The Mandates of Conflict · Criminal Justice.