Standalone Essays · Triad of Stewardship

Equanimity: The Steady Center

“It is not passion but uncontrolled passion that makes us weak.” The distinction matters, because it is easy to find examples of passion let out of control becoming a vulnerability. Uncontrolled anger can lead to impulsive and destructive behavior, causing harm to oneself or others; a person who gets angry easily might lash out at loved ones or make rash decisions at work, damaging relationships or jeopardizing a career. Uncontrolled sexual desire can lead to risky behavior — unprotected sex, inappropriate relationships — with physical and emotional consequences. And an obsessive passion for a particular activity or person can lead to the neglect of other important aspects of life; someone obsessed with video games might neglect their social life, and someone obsessed with a romantic partner might become codependent and lose their sense of self.

Yet each of these, when operating within the proper parameters, is healthy and useful. Healthy anger can motivate us to resist injustice. Healthy lust is appropriate towards a chosen loved one in a committed and safe relationship. Obsession, kept within the boundaries of focused interest, study, and practice, can lead to great skill. Emotions are not sinful. Sojourners are not to become emotionless calculating machines. Emotions are an integral part of the human experience, and suppressing or denying them can be detrimental to one’s health and happiness. The goal is to cultivate emotional intelligence — understanding and managing emotions in a way that promotes positive outcomes. By developing emotional awareness and self-control, Sojourners can harness the power of their emotions without being controlled by them.

This is why the Compass argues that you should not consider denial and suppression of emotions to be victories. Unacknowledged passion can enslave. For autistic people, who are often characterized by masking when among neurotypicals, this is a complex issue, because masking can be a genuine coping mechanism for navigating a neurotypical world. The key might be to find a balance between masking to navigate social situations and acknowledging one’s emotions in safe spaces — seeking out supportive communities, engaging in therapy, or practicing mindfulness and self-care activities that allow emotions to be processed in a healthy way. It is also worth recognizing that the neurodiversity movement aims to create a world more accepting of neurodivergent ways of being, where autistic people don’t have to mask as much. By advocating for greater understanding and acceptance, autistic individuals can work towards a world where they can express their emotions authentically without fear of judgment or stigma.

“Neither the one enslaved by nor the one fleeing from his passions is truly free.” The first phrase seems obvious; the second is less so, but it is equally true. When people try to avoid their emotions, they might engage in avoidance behaviors such as substance abuse, overworking, or shutting down emotionally — behaviors that lead to addiction, burnout, and emotional numbness. Suppressing emotions can also cause them to build up and eventually explode in an unhealthy way, leaving a person feeling out of control and enslaved by their own emotions. True freedom lies in developing the emotional intelligence and self-awareness to navigate one’s emotions in a healthy way: acknowledging emotions as they arise, understanding their roots and triggers, and finding healthy ways to express and manage them.

“Desire not to die sooner or later — desire to serve well wherever you are.” This says something about the Sojourner view of suicide, which is multifaceted. Sojourners emphasize the importance of acknowledging and addressing the underlying issues that can lead to suicidal thoughts, such as depression, emotional pain, or economic hardship, and they hold that suicide is often a transitory solution to problems that can be addressed in other ways. At the same time, some Sojourners, along with philosophers such as Albert Camus and Socrates, have explored the possibility that certain forms of suicide may be rational or even laudatory under certain circumstances. They emphasize considering each case individually and recognizing that the value of life is not absolute. The point of the Sojourner’s life is to pursue the Ideal and serve as best as possible. If one’s death serves these two, then it should be considered a final step towards ethical maturity. Life is not just about personal satisfaction or achievement, but about contributing to the greater good. The way we approach death can be a reflection of our values and beliefs; if we have lived our lives in pursuit of the Ideal and in service to others, then our death can be seen as a natural extension of that pursuit, embraced with dignity and grace.

“When tempted to worry, consider whether you have done all you could, and if not, actually do it. Then, let events unfold as fate dictates, and focus on nothing more than your duty in each circumstance.” This is not fatalism, though it can be mistaken for it. Fatalism suggests that events are predetermined and that individuals have no power to change the course of their lives, which leads to apathy and inaction. The passage encourages the opposite: take action when you can, do all that you can to affect the outcome. But it also acknowledges that some things are beyond our control, and that once we have done all we can, we should accept the outcome and focus on our duty. This is more in line with the philosophy of Stoicism, which emphasizes accepting what is beyond our control and focusing on our own thoughts and actions. By taking action when possible and accepting what is beyond our control, we can find a sense of inner peace and calmness even in difficult circumstances.

“Abstain from all passions that cannot be partaken of lawfully but show moderate condescension to other men’s failings.” Why hold yourself to a higher standard than you hold others? For several reasons. By holding ourselves to a higher standard, we demonstrate integrity and a commitment to our own values and principles, which helps us stay true to ourselves and avoid compromising our beliefs for the sake of others. We also lead by example, setting a standard that can inspire others to strive for excellence and hold themselves accountable. And by showing “moderate condescension to other men’s failings,” we demonstrate empathy and understanding for others’ struggles and shortcomings, which helps us connect on a deeper level and build stronger relationships. The purpose of the teaching is to encourage individuals to be the best version of themselves, while also showing compassion and understanding for others.

“Develop a healthy sense of cynicism. Never be shocked or dismayed by any human behavior.” A Sojourner should, of course, hate and resist injustice and wanton cruelty — the command to serve the disenfranchised is ubiquitous in the Compass. So why teach us to naturally expect stupid and wicked behavior and not be shocked by it? I encourage a healthy sense of cynicism not to condone or dismiss injustice or cruelty, but to prepare Sojourners for the harsh realities of human behavior. By expecting and acknowledging that humans are capable of both good and evil, Sojourners can better navigate complex social dynamics and make more informed decisions. Maintaining a level of cynicism also helps avoid naivete, which can lead to disappointment or disillusionment; when one is shocked or dismayed by human behavior, it can be a sign that one’s expectations were unrealistic or overly idealistic.

It’s rather like being faced with a knife fight. You sigh and think to yourself, “Well, I’m about to get cut.” You’re not resigning yourself to it in the sense that you don’t try to avoid getting cut. It’s that when it happens you’re not shocked into panic or frozen by the fear, allowing the opponent to damage you even more or kill you. Acknowledging the likelihood and preparing yourself for the worst allows you to keep functioning. The healthy cynicism the Compass teaches here is like that. See the horribleness of the sin, be clear-eyed about its effects, and even hate it enough to fight back, but don’t give up or freeze. I advocate for a balance between maintaining a sense of hope and idealism while also acknowledging the harsh realities of human nature — a resilient mindset that allows Sojourners to confront the harsh realities of life head-on without succumbing to despair or inaction. The key is to strike a balance between acknowledging the severity of the problem and maintaining the determination to fight back against it, which requires a level of emotional resilience cultivated through self-awareness and a deep commitment to one’s values.

“Temporary measures, especially if hastily adopted to answer outrage, do not fix the problem. They can even make it worse.” There are real dangers in getting into a “tit for tat” situation with an enemy. It can quickly escalate, as each side responds with increasingly aggressive or harmful actions in an attempt to one-up the other, spiraling toward violence and making peaceful resolution harder. It can cause both sides to lose sight of the underlying problem that needs to be addressed, so that the conflict becomes self-perpetuating with no clear path toward resolution. And it can damage relationships and trust, making it harder to find common ground in the future. Sojourners don’t like conflict any more than anyone else; they aim to be builders of peace. Unfortunately, sometimes an enemy refuses to cooperate, dang him! The options then become withdrawal, holding the line and mitigation, or destruction of the enemy’s ability to continue. The goal remains peace. If hostility advances to open conflict, there is a sense of regret at one’s failure to prevent it. Nevertheless, if short-term conflict is necessary to the promotion of peace, then so be it. A tit for tat strategy is worse than useless. You must give careful consideration to various factors — the nature of the conflict, the goals of the parties involved, and the potential consequences of different actions. You must understand the whole situation, determine what method will bring it to a close as swiftly as possible with the least amount of collateral damage, and then pursue your strategy without hesitation until its natural conclusion. As soon as possible, measures to cease the conflict and to mitigate its effects should be taken. The aim is to create a lasting peace that addresses the root causes of the conflict and promotes understanding and cooperation among all parties.

Among the Compass’s suggestions for achieving equanimity are moderation in all things, deliberate contentment, quiet humility, simplicity, and a careful curation of one’s activities. Then it adds something that sounds direct and even a little petty by comparison: “Don’t be pretentious. Don’t insist on branded clothes. Don’t use a three-dollar word where a two-dollar one will do.” This belongs among the headier categories because there is a deep connection between pretentiousness and equanimity. Pretentiousness often stems from a desire to impress others or to project a certain image, which leads to insecurity and a constant need for external validation — directly in conflict with the inner peace and contentment that equanimity requires. By advising against pretentiousness, the Compass encourages its adherents to focus on their own sense of self-worth and fulfillment, rather than seeking approval or status from others. This aligns with the other suggestions, which emphasize self-reliance, moderation, and simplicity, and it serves to ground the pursuit of equanimity in everyday life.

“Respect men, but only as men.” The phrase suggests that while it’s important to show respect to others, it’s equally important to do so without placing them on a pedestal or giving them undue influence over our thoughts and actions. It encourages a balance between recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of every person while maintaining a healthy degree of skepticism and independence. By respecting people “only as men” — or, more inclusively, only as human beings — we acknowledge their humanity and fallibility, and avoid becoming too enamored with their status, power, or charisma. This promotes egalitarianism and mutual respect while protecting us from the dangers of idolizing or blindly following others, encouraging us to evaluate people on their own merits rather than ascribing to them some superhuman or infallible status.

Some faiths have doctrine against bowing to any human, reserving that honor for their god alone. Given Sojournism’s emphasis on egalitarianism and mutual respect, Sojourners should not have a problem with bowing as a sign of respect or using appropriate titles for people in positions of authority, as long as these actions do not compromise their principles or imply an undue reverence for the person. Showing respect for others is an important aspect of achieving equanimity and promoting harmony, and this includes acknowledging the social norms and customs that govern interactions, such as using appropriate titles or gestures of deference. But Sojourners must draw a distinction between showing respect for a person’s position or role and idolizing or blindly following that person. They should “respect men, but only as men,” maintaining a healthy skepticism and independence even when interacting with those in power. They may be many things, but Sojourners are not sycophants.

The best way to understand this tension is through the image of the resident alien. In the brief summary of Sojournism it says that Sojourners “generally follow the local customs and cannot be distinguished from others by country, language, or custom,” and elsewhere that they “participate in all aspects of citizenship such as paying taxes and serving in the military.” Yet they view themselves as resident aliens. A resident alien may bow to the same king as the native, but the subjective experience will be vastly different. Sojourners see themselves as an ethical community within a larger nation. They may show respect to the office of president, but their true allegiance remains with the ethical Ideal. Their outward expressions of respect for figures of authority — bowing to a king, showing deference to a president — are not necessarily indicative of a deep, unwavering allegiance to those individuals or the institutions they represent. Their true allegiance lies with the principles and values of Sojournism, which may at times be at odds with the dominant culture or political system. This tension between outward conformity and inward dedication to an alternative ethical framework is a defining characteristic of Sojournism, and it is meant to encourage a complex and nuanced worldview.

“Neither cling nor reject too strongly, for the beautiful may become foul, and the foul may become lovely and useful.” This enigmatic statement, placed in a section about calmness, is about the nature of impermanence and the dangers of attachment or aversion. By advising against clinging or rejecting too strongly, the intent is to encourage Sojourners to maintain a certain level of detachment and open-mindedness in their interactions with the world, because things are constantly changing and evolving, and what we perceive as beautiful or foul today may take on a completely different form tomorrow. Clinging too strongly to something we perceive as beautiful may lead to disappointment or suffering when that thing inevitably changes or fades away. Rejecting something we perceive as foul may cause us to miss out on potential opportunities for growth or transformation. By embracing the impermanent and ever-changing nature of reality, Sojourners can cultivate equanimity and resilience in the face of life’s inevitable ups and downs, and find beauty and value in even the most unexpected places.

“There is no point in trying to ‘fix’ people who don’t want to change.” Identifying people who are not ready to change can be challenging, since this resistance may manifest in subtle or indirect ways, but there are a few signs. There is defensiveness — becoming defensive when confronted with feedback or suggestions for improvement, even when these are offered constructively and respectfully. There are excuses — offering a variety of justifications for one’s actions rather than taking responsibility or considering alternative perspectives. There is a lack of self-awareness — difficulty recognizing one’s own weaknesses or areas for improvement, and an unwillingness to engage in self-reflection. And there are repeated patterns of behavior — continuing to engage in the same negative or destructive behaviors despite repeated feedback or consequences.

“Overcommitting is stealing from yourself. Get comfortable with saying ‘no.’ Automatically hesitate before saying yes to anything.” Anyone who is attracted to Sojournism will likely have a servant’s heart, and such people usually struggle to say “no.” Their service is often sacrificial. To avoid overcommitment while still honoring their desire to serve, Sojourners should keep a few things in mind. Prioritize self-care: taking care of oneself is essential for being able to serve others effectively, so make time for rest, relaxation, and activities that nourish the body and mind. Evaluate commitments: before saying yes to something new, take a moment to weigh whether it aligns with one’s values, priorities, and available resources of time, energy, and emotional bandwidth. Practice assertiveness: saying “no” is difficult but important, and can be done with phrases like “I appreciate the offer, but I’m already fully committed.”

You must also take into account the cost to your family. Too many great people have served society, but at the cost of losing their own families. They tend to give their resources to those they serve, but these often come from their own children’s mouths or their wives’ homes. Honor requires that we serve others, but family first. You may sacrifice. It is your choice. But it is unethical to force your family to sacrifice. Forcing one’s family to make sacrifices for the sake of one’s own service is not only unethical but can also lead to resentment, strain on relationships, and long-lasting negative consequences for all involved. If they choose to follow your course of their own free will, then so be it. But until they have categorically said that this is their choice, you must protect them — even from your own desire to serve. To avoid these pitfalls, Sojourners should engage in open and honest communication with their families about their service goals and the potential impact on their shared lives, ensuring that any sacrifices made are done so willingly and with full understanding of the consequences.

“Denying the way you were made will inevitably lead to exhaustion and pain.” The Compass advises accepting your personality and wiring, finding ways that even hard, painful circumstances can be put to use, and then working to find your niche. In a society that constantly praises self-expression, creative thought, and self-discovery, it is worth asking why conformity and groupthink are still such a problem. Several reasons. There is social pressure: humans are social creatures, and the pressure to conform to the expectations and norms of one’s group can be subtle or overt, but it can lead people to suppress their individuality in order to fit in or avoid judgment. There are cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias and the availability heuristic, which make it difficult to consider alternative perspectives or challenge prevailing beliefs. There is fear of uncertainty, which makes many people prefer what is familiar or widely accepted over the risk of new ideas. And there are systemic factors — political or cultural norms, media messaging, workplace culture — that reinforce conformity. By recognizing these underlying factors and working to overcome them, individuals can begin to break free and embrace their unique perspectives and talents.

This injustice falls with particular weight on autistic people. While society tolerates all kinds of behavior from the creative, the politically powerful, or the rich, it routinely demands that autistic people conform to neurotypical behavior as a way to “get along.” Society will snigger at the rude, sexualized behavior of the popular while rolling its eyes and mocking an autistic who rocks or flaps their hands. Autistic people are denied promotion, financial reward, or even friendship; many struggle to be gainfully employed or even to find a mate. An autistic Sojourner must navigate a challenging and often frustrating landscape to maintain equanimity in the face of this prejudice and misunderstanding. A few strategies help. Self-acceptance: start by accepting and valuing your own neurodiversity, recognizing that your unique perspective and abilities have inherent worth, and resisting the pressure to conform to neurotypical expectations. Supportive networks: seek out and cultivate relationships with people who understand and accept you as you are, including autistic-led communities, support groups, or advocacy organizations. Self-advocacy: learn to advocate for your own needs and rights, both in personal relationships and in the workplace, which might involve educating others about autism, asking for reasonable accommodations, or challenging discriminatory behavior. And mindfulness and self-care: practices such as meditation, exercise, or creative expression help manage stress and maintain emotional balance.

While these are useful, the key may be to make the commitment to never become like those who are bigoted against autistics. Resist their attitudes, but don’t descend to their ethics in doing so. Try to start a business that is designed to leverage autistic strengths and then try to hire autistic people. Start a dating service specifically for autistic people. Form discussion groups online that focus on pushing back against society’s preconceptions. Do anything — just don’t leave your ethics behind while you do it.

“Overthinking is a trap that renders you immobile. Learn from the past, prepare for the future, and live in the moment.” Some people struggle more with overthinking than others, and there are dangers they should be mindful of. There is analysis paralysis, in which individuals become so caught up in weighing the pros and cons of a decision that they become unable to make a choice at all. There is anxiety and stress, as constantly dwelling on negative thoughts and worst-case scenarios takes a toll on mental and physical health. There are missed opportunities, as overthinking causes people to focus so heavily on potential risks and drawbacks that they fail to take action. And there is rumination, in which dwelling on past mistakes or regrets becomes a cycle of negative thinking that is difficult to break. By recognizing these dangers and practicing mindfulness and self-awareness, individuals can work to overcome the pitfalls of overthinking and embrace a more balanced and present-focused mindset.

Part of the Triad of Stewardship’s Standalone Essays. Companion pieces: Forgiveness and Its Limits (forthcoming) · The Mandates of Conflict · Criminal Justice.