Standalone Essays · Triad of Stewardship

Family and Filiality

Ethics as a Living Text

It is tempting to think that ethics is not so complicated as to need a multigenerational effort — that once you have covered the basics, that should be it. After all, the sacred texts of the world have not changed in thousands of years. I believe that that is precisely the problem.

Look at the incredible difference of tone and application just between the Old and New Testaments of the Christian Bible. And those authors were not separated by thousands of years. The authors of the sacred texts were people of their age, writing to their age, with their age’s issues in mind. How could they have possibly grasped the ethical dilemmas of World War when they didn’t even have nation-states? What advice would they have to parents whose children are being stalked online? Or what would they say to those who are either working on or dealing with the challenges of AI? They wouldn’t even understand the words coming out of our mouths, even if we could speak the same language, because there was no concept of satellites, or of quantum physics or the dilation of time.

Ethics must be a constantly evolving process. It is not a question of the relativity of truth. It is a question of the wise application of truth. Let me give you an example. When the Berlin Wall fell and the Soviet Union collapsed, everyone assumed this was a joyous occasion demonstrating the triumph of Western democracy. We thought that the Russian people would embrace representative democracy and join the rest of us in the pursuit of happiness and material comfort. But we were wrong. The Russian people had been subjugated by the Tsars, even before they bowed to the Communist party. They had no conception of the responsibilities and strategies necessary to be fully democratic. They bungled things and gangs of thugs began to take over. Soon the country became a kleptocracy and is now a festering sore on the political scene. They have state-sponsored hackers rob banks in other countries. They sponsor terrorism and blatantly invade other countries to acquire their resources. And I lay a large part of the blame on the Western world whose understanding of the needed steps to transition from Communism to Democracy was sorely lacking.

To be fair, we’d never been in that position before, and that is my point. We are facing issues that we’ve never faced before every year it seems. What should be our policy on mining the moon or asteroids? What concerns about the germline should we have as we meddle with our own DNA? If an AI did become self-aware, should it be granted both the same rights and responsibilities of a human mind? If even a narrow AI autonomously kills someone, who in the kill chain is responsible? If our ethics do not remain in process we will soon be lost, stumbling and flailing about in a quagmire of moral delusion.

Sojournism emphasizes the need for ongoing critical thinking, adaptation, and forward-looking ethical frameworks to effectively navigate complex, unprecedented problems. The Compass is not meant to be frozen and preserved as-is. It should be a continuously growing, changing and improving text — a living text — even during my brief lifetime. Of course I hope my descendents will find some help and solace in it. But I also hope my children and grandchildren discover my points of foolishness and completely rewrite whole sections of it as they wrestle with the challenges of their time. I think that by welcoming criticism and revision from my descendants, I will ensure that The Compass will remain relevant and impactful across generations, providing a flexible and dynamic guide for navigating the ever-changing ethical landscape.

The Elder’s New Career

Whenever ethics is treated as a living thing, a “generational gap” opens — differences of opinion or outlook between people of different generations. I don’t know that I would claim to have the solution. The older I get the less confident in my own wisdom I become! But I would think that the burden of the solution falls largely (though not completely) on the elder generation. Think about it, who is more responsible, the parent or the child? Who is more responsible in a situation, the adult or the minor?

In American society it is largely held that once you hit a certain age you should “retire” and focus on your pleasures or hobbies. But I think that that is foolish. We have all these people with their accumulated experiences and many of them sit in nursing homes alone except for harried caretakers. To me, the Elder might choose to retire from their job, but their new career should be in becoming a source of wisdom and care for the younger generation. Obviously, not everyone is suited for this. Not everyone is wise, simply because they are old. Not everyone is good, just because they have managed to survive to this point. But for those with a certain amount of wisdom to share, the responsibility they have is to help the young ones to learn the lessons while bypassing many of the consequences of poor decisions the elders made.

As to how this should be done? First, the Elder must be an example. You can’t spend your whole life being a cad, and then expect others to listen to your moral musings simply because you have some white hair. The young ones will (rightly) say, “You have no right to speak. You have done such and such. Who are you to take this role?” So first and foremost, we must apply our ethics to ourselves and demonstrate with good lives that we have something to offer.

Second, I think that as I get older I am learning the importance of mindfulness. By this I mean first and foremost the practice of stillness. Yes, there should be periods of time when we physically slow down and pay attention, but stillness should also be a part of our daily routine even as we continue to work. Many of our duties are repetitive and largely mindless. During those times we should practice calming and quieting our minds, even using the repetitive nature of our work to slip into “flow.” During those times of stillness we should listen carefully, developing self-awareness, other-awareness, and nature-awareness. How can we help someone else if we are not even conscious of our own biases; our own weaknesses and strengths? How can we help the next generation if we don’t listen to them and account for their perspective? How can we heed the wisdom of the Stoics and Taoists, who tell us to conform ourselves to the laws of nature, to the natural and effortless way the universe does things, if we don’t pay attention to nature? How can we “learn from the ants,” as the Bible puts it, if we never stop and watch their work in focused fascination?

So mindfulness, at least within the Sojourner philosophy, can mean stillness, listening, but must also include deep, reflective, conscious and disciplined thinking. Many people go through their lives deceived as to the nature of what their minds are doing. They believe they are thinking, when what they are mostly doing is reacting. Some few rise above reacting to the level of calculation, which is really nothing more than a form of primitive cunning. “How can I get this person to have sex with me?” “How can I maneuver to get that promotion?” “How can I handle my finances in such a way as to afford that new car I want?” Such thinking barely rises above the instinctive kind of thought seen in animals who are wanting to mate, or find food and shelter.

The kind of thinking involved in mindfulness is far deeper. It involves trying to understand the principles that govern the universe and how best to apply them. What is “the best” anyway? How do I determine what is good and what is better? What role do I have in passing on this planet in good condition to my great great grandchildren? At what point does benevolence become self-immolation and self-destruction? To whom am I responsible? That is the kind of thinking humanity needs to engage in. If they answered those questions well and applied the results to their lives, humanity would have far fewer wars, and would be much more reluctant to pillage the planet for the latest technological gadget. The practice of cultivating awareness and reflection not only contributes to personal growth but also enables elders to connect with younger generations on a deeper level. The goal of mindful teaching is to foster a sense of interconnectedness and shared understanding, which can help mitigate the generational gap and promote the well-being of individuals across all age groups.

The Role of the Young

The younger generations play a vital role by embracing open-mindedness, curiosity, and a willingness to engage with elders. Young individuals should be open to learning from the experiences and wisdom of their elders, engaging in respectful dialogue and listening attentively to their perspectives. This doesn’t imply blind obedience to the ways and means of the elder generation. But there should be a respectful engagement, much as a person who is new to a trade should pay careful attention to the skills and accumulated wisdom of the elder workers.

As society evolves, younger generations must be prepared to adapt to new technologies, social norms, and challenges. Their adaptability can complement the wisdom and experience of elders, leading to more comprehensive solutions. The emphasis again is on wisdom and ethics being a living, flowing and evolving endeavor, rather than being viewed as a static, crystalized, “this is how we’ve always done it” thing. Of course the implication is that the older generation must also be equally accepting of change, which is often something of a challenge for them. Part of the solution is for the younger generation to also teach elders about new technologies, trends, and perspectives, fostering a mutual exchange of knowledge and understanding. And through active communication and interaction, younger individuals can cultivate empathy and understanding towards elders, recognizing the common humanity that connects them despite generational differences. Ultimately, the role of the younger generation in bridging the generational gap involves open dialogue, mutual learning, and a shared commitment to understanding and empathy.

Filiality in Absence

True filiality is shown in absorbing your parents’ positive values and making them your own — whether the parents are present or not. Some adult children will behave one way in front of their parents and another way when they are not. They may have different motivations, some positive, some less so. They may want to retain their good relationship with their parents, or remain in their will, or simply not get into a fight over something that cannot actually be resolved.

For instance, consider the example of alcohol consumption. Some of the older generation, particularly among the conservative Christians, make no allowance for drinking. They may actually consider it a sin. Let’s say that a young person knows they are not predisposed to alcoholism and feel there is nothing wrong with a little social drinking. They may hide their decision from their parents, and this leaves the relationship open to strife, should the parents one day visit unexpectedly and find the evidence of alcohol in their adult child’s home. Far better to absorb and reflect three of the parents’ values, notably honesty, moderation and tact. They should respectfully discuss their decision with the parents, listening quietly to their objections and not allowing the conversation to descend into strife. They should maintain a moderate use of alcohol and show their parents through long years of example that alcohol (though unhealthy) can be used in moderation without lasting harm. And finally, they should use tact. They shouldn’t take alcohol to their parents’ house, but should respect their cultural decisions. They shouldn’t order alcohol when they go out to eat with them. And I would recommend that they don’t even consume alcohol in their own homes if their parents are present. In this way, they are absorbing the good ethics of their parents, both in their presence and out, even when they may disagree on a given subject.

Filiality as the Seed of Righteousness

A Sojourner should consider the relationship between parents and children as a microcosm of our interconnectedness and shared humanity, where each person has a responsibility to support and appreciate one another through life’s many transitions. I believe several cultures hold to this type of approach to children and the elderly, where the children are cherished as the future of the tribe and the elderly are revered as repositories of wisdom and lore. Children are often seen as the embodiment of hope and potential, representing the future growth and continuation of their communities. Meanwhile, elders are revered for their wisdom, experience, and knowledge, serving as living connections to the past and sources of guidance for the present. We see it in the Indigenous cultures of North America and Australia, where elders play a vital role in passing down traditional knowledge, and children are cherished as the future stewards of their people and the land; in traditional Chinese culture, which emphasizes filial piety and respect for elders while also valuing the potential and energy of youth; and in African cultures, where communal care for children and reverence for elders are often deeply ingrained in social customs and practices.

This is why I say that filiality is the seed of interpersonal righteousness. The practice of filial piety — which encompasses respect, love, and care for one’s parents and elders — can serve as a powerful foundation for cultivating positive and virtuous relationships with others. By practicing filiality, individuals learn to value and honor those who have nurtured and supported them, fostering a sense of gratitude, empathy, and responsibility towards others. These qualities can then be extended beyond the family sphere to the broader community, shaping a society that values compassion, harmony, and interconnectedness. Moreover, filiality can serve as a model for other interpersonal relationships, such as friendships, romantic partnerships, and professional connections. By prioritizing respect, care, and understanding in our relationships, we can create a more just and compassionate society that is more likely to be guided by principles of righteousness, rather than the selfish, narcissistic and materialistic principles we too often see displayed.

Part of the Triad of Stewardship’s Standalone Essays. Companion pieces: Forgiveness and Its Limits (forthcoming) · The Mandates of Conflict · Criminal Justice.