Standalone Essays · Triad of Stewardship

Fix Yourself First

What Spills Out

The way individuals treat others can provide a wealth of insight into their character, values, and worldview. The manner in which one interacts with others often reflects their level of empathy, compassion, and understanding, as well as their sense of fairness and justice. Many philosophers and psychologists have argued that the self is fundamentally relational, meaning that our identity and sense of self are deeply intertwined with our social interactions and relationships. By observing how people treat others, we can glean valuable information about their inner selves, such as their capacity for kindness, generosity, and selflessness, or conversely, their propensity for selfishness, cruelty, and disregard for others’ well-being.

I always explained this to my children with a glass and a pitcher of orange juice. I would take a small glass and pour some orange juice in it. I’d only half fill it. I’d jostle the glass, allowing some juice to spill on the counter. “What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the juice on the counter.

“Orange juice!” they responded, giving me a look like “duh!”

“So if I jostle this glass that has orange juice in it, what spills out is orange juice. But I have to jostle it pretty well, don’t I, because there’s not much in it. What happens if I do this?” And I’d fill it to the brim.

“You’ll make a big mess and mom will be mad!” they laughed.

So I took a much bigger glass and transferred the juice to it. “How about now?” I questioned.

“You’ll have to just about tip it over to shake the juice out.”

Then I would make my point. If you jostle a person, what comes out of them tells you what’s in their heart. If it doesn’t take much to spill their contents, then they are either a small person or they are full of whatever came out. A big person, a strong person, may still have some of the same things inside them, but it will be harder to get the bad stuff to come spilling out of them. If you lie, you tend to accuse everyone else of lying. If you manipulate and try to get one over on others, you probably think they’re attempting the same. Be careful of what you accuse others of. You’re probably revealing more than you wish!

Check That You Can Swim

This is why we must fix ourselves first — why we should check to make sure we can ethically “swim” before trying to help someone else who may be ethically “drowning.” Like the orange juice illustration, the swimming and drowning idea and other such things help my autistic brain by providing pictures, snapshots, that represent more complicated concepts. In the moment when I need them, the picture materializes on the “screen” of my brain and I realize that I must try to apply that concept within that given context.

Visual metaphors and analogies can be incredibly powerful tools for making complex ideas more relatable and easier to grasp, especially for individuals who process information more effectively through images and concrete examples. This approach aligns with the Sojourner emphasis on practical wisdom and the importance of incorporating philosophical insights into one’s daily experiences. By making these ideas more personally relevant and easier to visualize, I feel I’m better equipped to integrate them into my daily thoughts and actions.

The Fear of Being Stained

There are several potential risks or challenges associated with helping those who have made moral missteps, which the Compass metaphorically refers to as the fear of being “stained.” Engaging with those who have committed moral transgressions can be emotionally taxing and may expose you to their negative emotions, such as guilt, shame, or remorse. And by associating with or assisting individuals who have acted immorally, there’s a risk that your own reputation could be damaged or called into question by others.

But I like to keep a few people in mind when I consider the issue of reputational risk. Mahatma Gandhi adopted the simple dhoti (a draped cloth garment) as a way to connect with India’s poor and rural masses and as a symbol of resistance against Western influence. He made this change in 1921, switching from his previous Western-style attire to identify with the plight of the impoverished. The dhoti, often worn with a shawl, became a symbol of the Swadeshi movement, which promoted self-reliance and the use of Indian-made goods.

Jesus was well known for hanging out with prostitutes and publicans and with the poor and outcast. This was in stark contrast with the other religious leaders of his day who would try to even keep the shadow of an “unclean” person from touching the hem of their garment.

B.R. Ambedkar significantly supported the Dalits (the so-called “untouchables” and outcasts) through his political and social activism, his contributions to the Indian Constitution, and his efforts to uplift the community through education and religious conversion. He advocated for their rights, organized them into movements, and ultimately shaped the legal framework that enshrined their equality.

These examples serve as reminders that the fear of being “stained” by association with those who have transgressed or are considered outcasts should not prevent us from extending mercy and support. Instead, by demonstrating solidarity with those who are marginalized or in need, we can contribute to a more inclusive and empathetic society. These leaders’ willingness to challenge convention and risk their reputations for the sake of uplifting others serves as an inspiring model for ethical conduct, highlighting the importance of courage and conviction in the pursuit of justice and social transformation.

The Caveat

None of this means abandoning discernment. Helping those who have transgressed may sometimes involve navigating complex moral dilemmas or gray areas, which can be challenging and potentially lead to difficult decisions. And those who have acted immorally may attempt to manipulate or exploit your compassion and desire to help, potentially placing you in compromising or harmful situations. This is precisely why you check that you can swim before you dive in after the drowning — mercy extended from solid footing lifts the fallen; mercy extended from no footing at all simply produces two people in need of rescue.

Part of the Triad of Stewardship’s Standalone Essays. Companion pieces: Forgiveness and Its Limits (forthcoming) · The Mandates of Conflict · Criminal Justice.